Broken
by sincerelyfantasia
Summary: After he left her, she was broken. She refused to admit it out of fear that people would see her as weak, fragile, or naive. That did not change the fact that she was broken and nothing could fix her. Or so she thought.
1. Numb

_It's okay. I understand. I'm so sorry. Everything will work out for the best in the end, I promise. _

Those words, those untrue words permeate every thought that runs through my mind.

_It's okay. I understand._

She does not understand. There is no way she could. She may be my best friend, but her life is perfect, how could I expect her to understand? She has all the great single boys falling over her while she goes after the ones that are not available. The girl has her reasons, sure, valid ones too. But that does not mean she understands. She has never had the boy she loves love her back one minute and hate her in the next.

_Everything will work out for the best in the end, I promise. _

No. The optimistic girl on the other side of the phone probably believes this, but I know the truth. It does not always work out in the end. Not for everyone, not for me. Otherwise, everything would be looking up by now. The phone vibrates again. The screen illuminates, alerting me that I received another message.

_It's always darkest before the dawn._

A swift pang of every emotion I have felt over the past year and a half courses through my body. Tears roll down my cheeks as I am no longer able to contain them. I pray silently yet fervently that this will be the darkest it gets. Abruptly, I am swept back to that fateful night.

His hand reached for mine and he led me into the building. I remember the shock that pulsated through my veins at the slightest touch, the butterflies with eagles' wings that flapped in the pit of my stomach with every glance, and the warmth that consumed me every time he uttered my name. That is what people describe love as, right? I can envision the strobe lights that cast the shadows dancing on the walls. I remember how intensely I gazed at them to avoid crying.

"What? What are you… How could you… Why did you?" he had asked, breathing laboriously. In that instant I forgot how to speak, and all the air was knocked out of me. I remember standing there, my mouth agape, shaking my head like an idiot. "We're done," he concluded suddenly, his voice cutting through to my very core. Time stood still. To this day, I am not entirely sure if the entire world shook or only mine. I do know for a fact that everything changed in that split second. My heart shattered into an innumerable amount of pieces.

"Time heals all wounds," the optimistic girl on the other side of the phone had said when I relayed the story to her, "and you have all the time in the world."

Time. Time is the one thing I always disregard. It is unimportant, insignificant, forgotten. Yet, without time, nobody, nothing, would exist. Without time… there is an interesting concept, practically inconceivable. What would I do without time? I would not heal. I feel as though I have been stuck in that moment, and that time has not moved for the past year and a half. I replay that moment in my head, mindlessly attending to my daily routine. It is as if the light has gone from my life, and I am living in the dark. Depression seeps through every crack and crevice, expanding and leaving empty holes in my heart. Feelings escape, forcing numbness to spread throughout my body, soul, and heart.

Feelings. Feelings have not penetrated my heart in a long time. Emotions are completely out of the question as it was always easier for me to feel than to emote. I have lost all of that. The thread connecting my heart and my mind that was slowly being strengthened by him has been cut. No longer can I process what is going on or what people are doing or saying to me. Heartbreak is all I feel now, and I have felt it for so long I am immune to it. I no longer feel anything. There is no relief. There is no pain. I am numb. Simply numb. Completely numb. Painfully numb.


	2. Feel Again

**Um, wow. I love the reaction I'm getting to this (even though it's only one reviewer so far, it's amazing). So shout out to my first reviewer, Ruby-Ashley. You're the biggest reason I'm going on. Here's an interesting little fact about this fic: I started it based off of an actual friend of mine with no intention of it turning into a fic. Now, it's my very first fic and it's really exciting. I changed the rating to T because of the mention of cutting, promiscuity, and abuse in this chapter. So, without further ado, here is the next chapter. **

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I hate feeling this way. I remember being able to feel once, and it was wonderful. The feeling of love continues to linger in the back of my mind, teasing every thought. I have tried to feel again. After a year and a half, it seems I have tried everything. A week after he left, I started trying.  
I had just gotten out of an hour long shower that was so hot I saw that I had burned myself on the back of my neck. I could not feel it. The razor sat on the counter, nothing special or intriguing about it. Before I met him, I used it often. When I knew him, I had no reason to use it. After he left me, I struggled to stop myself. I had gotten so close to doing it before that night. I held the blade to my arm, tempted to break skin. I knew that once I started, I would not be able to stop. This time, however, I had a desperate need to feel again. The smell of blood filled the air, nauseating me. I began to feel faint and dizzy, but I did not feel pain. I threw out the razor and never cut myself again.

A month after that incident, the scar on my arm had faded to the point where I could wear less bracelets and shorter sleeves. I was trying to move on, but for some reason, I could not get a date. Not a single guy was interested. I looked in the mirror one day and I realized that I was not pretty enough. I was too fat, so I stopped eating. I lost a lot of weight quickly. I blamed my lack of appetite on the heartbreak.

About two months later, once I had lost enough weight, I started going to clubs. My desire to feel again caused a lust for that kind of lifestyle. I tried drugs once. I was known as the girl who would try anything once. They had little effect on me, so I never did them again. One night, I got horridly drunk and ended up spending the night with a stranger. I woke up in an unfamiliar hotel room, and I could not remember anything about the night before. There was blood on the sheets, which terrified me. Was it mine?

"You should have told me you were a virgin," he grumbled at me.

"I… We… Uh, I'm sorry. I have to go," I was babbling, but I did not care. I threw on the first things I found and ran out of the room.

That was not the last time that happened. At first, I felt lust and excitement. Eventually, I became bored and complacent. I stopped the promiscuity three months later after one particular night, a night that I would love to undo. I went home with him, but he did not use me. He did not want to take advantage of me in my drunken state. This flattered me. He seemed like a pretty good guy, so I took a chance on him.

After two months of dating him, I fooled myself into believing that he loved me, and I trusted him. This was the first night he hit me. I left in a daze, not saying anything. I did not talk much anyway, though, so no one regarded my mute stage as strange. He convinced me to come back after a couple of weeks, apologizing profusely, showering me with gifts, going out of his way to prove himself to me. Only a week after getting back together, he started to beat me. I stayed with him though, because he manipulated me into believing that he was the only one that cared. He died in a car accident on our six month anniversary.

On the outside, I looked like a beautiful, young, single girl. I immersed myself in my work, robotically attending to my duties. Life was dull, the color and vibrancy I had once seen had drained from it. It was cold and empty. I have been alone for two months, unwilling to try anything else. I cannot even trust myself.

Everyone seems to accept my new lifestyle. Then again, no one pays much attention to me. I have become boring. I lost my job and was forced to move back home. I did not tell any of my old friends that I was back because I did not want to see anyone from my past. The constant reminder of him would have been too much to bear. Even though I was numb, the damage was still being done. I was unraveling. I was falling apart. I was broken.

Now, I sit here, wallowing in my own self-pity. A faint knock on my door causes me to jump. I walk towards the door slowly, afraid of who may be on the other side. Probably just a Jehovah's Witness, right? I hesitantly open the door, revealing someone who was certainly not a Jehovah's Witness. Someone whose face stirred something deep inside me, something light and warm.

"Hey, Sonny."

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**Okay, I hope you all enjoyed that. It's got a little angst, but I have a feeling it'll start picking up soon. Please review for more!**


	3. Daylight

**Alright, here we go. Are my chapters too short? Tell me what you think. :) **

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"Hi," I respond, leaning against the door.

"I heard about what happened…"

"Yeah, I'm okay, why don't you come in?" I habitually recite.

"Uh, okay," she steps inside my tiny apartment and walks forward into the dining room.

"Yeah, it's smaller than what I'm used to, but I like it. Go ahead and take a seat," I offer. She obliges and looks around the small apartment. "You want anything to drink?"

"Sure," she replies, gazing at me. "You look different."

"I've lost some weight," I say nonchalantly. She shakes her head.

"That's not it. You aren't as happy," she struggles to find the proper words to describe my change.

"Well, I've been through a lot," I point out, handing her a soda. She opens it delicately and takes a sip as I sit down beside her.

"Are you okay?" she asks me.

"No," I answer without thinking. She looks at me, her brown eyes filled with compassion. "What brings you to Wisconsin?" I change the subject.

"My best friend," she says.

"Tawni…" I begin.

"Let me finish," she interrupts me, glancing at me sharply. "I heard about what happened from Marshall. You've been through too much alone. I'm sorry I deserted you."

"Don't be. I'm fine," I tell her.

"No, you aren't. Please forgive me. I want to be here for you now," she pleads.

"I'm sorry that it's too late. Of course I forgive you. I pushed you away-"

"I let you. I shouldn't have let you. It's my fault. All of it…" she begins to cry.

"No, Tawn, it's mine. I lost it. Losing him hurt, but it would have hurt less if only I'd known that I had so many people there for me," I insist. She shakes her head.

"Of course you didn't know. Who could expect you to realize? You practically lost your world," she counters. I slump back in my chair and close my eyes.

"I lost everything. I lost my heart, and then I lost myself, and finally I lost everything else."

"Did you ever find it?" she asks hopefully. I open my eyes and look at her. She sees the emptiness in my eyes and her face falls.

"No. I tried," I chuckle sadly.

"What happened?" she prompts. I tell her about the last year and a half. Saying it aloud, admitting to myself and to someone else was therapeutic. I could feel the numbness wearing off. Talking about everything that happened released all of that pain and forced me to feel it for the first time. It was a feeling that caused nostalgia. I remember I once felt emotions more than a normal person, and then suddenly I felt nothing. While talking to Tawni, I slowly started to feel again. I decided that feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. It reminded me of my humanity.

"The past year and a half have been pure torture, and I didn't realize it until now," I conclude. Both of us are in tears, the first tears I have shed in a year and a half.

"He asked about you," she rasps, wiping tears away. "I told him I didn't know. That killed me. I didn't know about my best friend. I still consider you my best friend. I never stopped," she assures me.

"Same for you," I flash a watery smile. "You're a mess," I inform her. She laughs.

"You don't look so fabulous yourself," she retorts. I giggle. I have not giggled in such a long time.

"He asked about me?"

"He hasn't dated since that night."

"He hasn't?" I clarify, astounded. She nods.

"Hasn't even tried."

"Does that mean…" I cannot bring myself to finish the sentence. She nods again.

"Chad still loves you."


	4. Queen of Hollywood

**This one's a bit longer... Hope you like it.**

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Tawni has been in town for two days. She had been staying in a hotel until she could muster up enough courage to come see me, but I made her stay with me. I could not trust myself alone with the ability to feel again. We were laughing at ourselves in reruns of So Random! when she told me something I did not particularly want to hear.

"I have to go back. My flight leaves Sunday night."

"Oh," is all I can say.

"You're upset," she groans. "I knew you would be. I can't live out here forever. So Random! needs me. They would love to have you back."

"I can't go back," I scoff. "I can only imagine what they're saying about me."

"They aren't saying anything. Just that they miss you. You left suddenly and you'd changed a lot toward the end but everyone misses who you were," she assures me.

"I'm not that girl anymore," I remind her.

"Yes, you are. You might think you're not but I know that you are. You've been through a lot but you're just stronger. You're still every bit as amazing as you were before."

"No, I'm not. Look at me up there," I pause, gazing at myself on the screen. "I'm so happy. So innocent. So trusting," I sigh wistfully.

"You're still Sonny. Nothing could ever change that."

"I wish I could go back to the way things were before," I muse.

"Don't we all?" she counters. She has a point there. For a moment, I do not speak. I am afraid to admit what I say next.

"I'm broken, Tawni, nothing can fix that. I'm going to have to function like this."

"Going back might fix you. Give you some closure."

"No one will want me. I'm broken, no one likes broken things."

"You aren't broken. You're hurt. But either way, anything that's broken can be fixed," she insists.

"I'm not going back, Tawni. I don't want to see him."

"I don't want to go back alone. They don't know me like you do. They see me as shallow and vain. I'm not… Am I?" she begins to choke up.

"No, of course you're not. Just, let me think about it," I beg. She nods. We focus on the television after that, neither one of us really saying anything. I sleep on it. I weigh my options.

I do not want to go back. If I went back, I would have to see everyone. I would have to answer questions. I could leave out all the depressing stuff. No one will want to hear me whine. Worst yet, I would have to see him. I would have to dig up all the memories of happiness. How he loved me, cared about me, genuinely wanted the best for me and would do anything to get it, and in two words destroyed everything. I know myself. There is no way that I am over him. He was the only person I have ever truly loved. He was the only person who ever truly loved me. I do not want to be alone again, though. Having Tawni here reminded me that I really need other people around to help me, to care for me, and to love me. I know that she needs the same. Nico, Grady, and Zora protect her and help her when necessary but they are unaware of how to handle her, how to truly comfort her. The next morning, I have my decision ready.

"There's no sense in both of us being alone. I'll go," I relent. She squeals with excitement.

"Thank you, Sonny, thank you so much," she hugs me tightly.

"Don't let him hurt me again, Tawn," I whimper. She nods.

"I promise you, he won't hurt you again."

Even though I knew she could not keep that promise, I took comfort in the fact that she made it. She would try. I was coming back. For the first time in months, I had a friend, a friend who was helping me to feel again.

Before I knew it, I was in Hollywood. Tawni let me move in with her, and I was set to start at So Random! a week after I got back. I was not completely sure that I was ready to go back, but I figured that I should just take the plunge anyway. The best way to start something is to dive in headfirst, right? Sink or swim, right? Tawni seems to think so. She swore to me repeatedly that she would do everything she could to make sure that I was happy again. For the first time in months, it really seemed like I was going to be.

Paparazzi swarmed us at the airport, but that was expected. I had a hat on over my hair and sunglasses so large that they covered over half of my face. I was unrecognizable, Tawni made sure of that. She wanted my debut to be on So Random!, not through some random tabloid. We stopped at The Patio on our way from the airport for dinner.

"Memories, eh?" she giggled uneasily. I smiled.

"I'm fine, really. Just a little nervous," I lied. The last memory I have of this place is one of the most painful memories I have of Hollywood. Thinking about it forms a lump in my throat.

"Hi, I'm Mel, I'll be taking care of you tonight, can I take your order?" the dirty blonde waitress asks without looking up.

"Just the usual," I reply without thinking. She looks up at me, shocked.

"Sonny?" she cries. I cringe slightly as every head in the restaurant turns my way.

"Um, yeah, I'm back," I smile. She chuckles.

"About time," she groans. "Everyone's missed you," she beams. I laugh lightly.

"I've missed everyone," I smile.

Just then, a guy with variant shades of blonde and brown hair that swoops away from his face and piercing baby blue eyes walks hesitantly up to our table. He jams his hands into his jean pockets nervously, twisting his mouth into his signature crooked smile.

"Hey, Sonny," he greets me casually.

"Hi, Chad."


	5. Bubbly

**Okay, here we go... I'm a little nervous about this one. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think. :)**

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"So…" he begins. "How are you?"

"I'm good," I lie. "Have a seat."

"Don't mind if I do," he smiles and sits down next to me, opposite Tawni. I do not think he notices her, though. He looks me over. "It's been a while."

"It has," I agree. The past year and a half felt like eternity, but now that I look back, it feels like I left yesterday. I glance around the familiar room. Nothing has changed about it. Getting used to my old life, where everything will be the same, will be a major change for me personally. I will have to take care of myself. I will have to think about others again. That scares me.

"You look great," he compliments.

"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself, Cooper," I smile. It felt unforced, natural. He smiles back, igniting warmth deep inside, and, no, no way. Not butterflies. I cannot have butterflies in my stomach, can I? The last time I had butterflies…

"Thanks, Sonshine." It is weird, falling back into the same routine, the same habits. Albeit easy, considering I lived for two years forming all of those habits, but I am not used to it anymore. The nickname he used for me made me smile every time. It was reserved for him, only him. My parents used to call me that when I was little. On anyone else's tongue it would sound uncomfortable. On his, it made me feel special. It made me feel wanted. It made me feel loved.

"So how are you?" I ask after a slightly awkward pause.

"I'm great now," he grins, not fully realizing what he says. Once he does, he blushes and looks away. The butterflies start flapping their wings even harder. Those jerks. "How long have you been back for?"

"Not even an hour. We're just getting dinner on our way from the airport," I tell him. This is when he acknowledges Tawni.

"That's awesome. Hey, Tawni," he greets her, waving slightly.

"Pooper," she scoffs. I laugh harder than I have laughed in ages. She smirks. "What are you doing here?"

"I like to come here often," he explains. "It's one of my favorite restaurants."

"Um, Tawni," Mel interjects. "Could I take your order before I get fired?" she asks gently.

"I'll have the same," she barks, eyeing Chad.

"Do you want to join us?" I offer, ignoring Tawni's disapproving stare. She shifts her now expectant gaze to Chad.

"I'd love to, but I can't. I was actually just leaving," he explains.

"Oh," I say, nodding slightly. That is a disappointment, to say the least. Seeing him was much easier than I originally imagined. Granted, it was awkward, but it aroused a warm and comforting feeling deep inside of me. Was it admiration? Was it happiness? I guess I am a little rusty at feeling and identifying emotions.

Tawni glares at him with an intensity so fierce I am surprised that he did not turn to ash on the spot.

"But I can stay for a little longer. I just can't eat, I'm full," he concludes.

"Okay," I say eagerly. Oh, no. Was I too eager? Am I scaring him off? "So, um, how are things at the Falls?"

"I'd say it ended well, but yeah, it was cancelled," he explains grimly.

"Oh, really? I'm sorry," I apologize. He shrugs.

"I've come to terms with it. It could be worse." Strange. The Falls were his baby. The one thing he cared about. I remember worrying that the Falls meant more to him than I did. Clearly, I had nothing to worry about.

"So what are you doing now?" I query. Tawni shifts nervously in her seat, catching my suspicious eye.

"I'm on So Random! now," he chuckles. I freeze. The guy I love more than anything in the world who also destroyed my entire life will be working in close proximity with me every single day. My best friend knew but it must have escaped her mind to tell me. No, I can tell by the look on her face she remembered. I realize now why I should not have missed feelings. They are confusing. I have no idea how I should be feeling right now. Scared? Excited? Joyful? Betrayed? Hurt? My thoughts are interrupted by none other than the greatest actor of our generation. "Have you been watching any TV back in Wisconsin?"

"I haven't had the time," I shrug. That much is true, between the situations I put myself in and work, I did not have much free time. Both occupations were so demanding and so consuming, but they were what I wanted. I wanted to take my mind off of everything else. I needed it.

"Wow, short stack," he smiles. Another special nickname, one I had forgotten about entirely. Now I was really craving pancakes. Maybe drowning the butterflies in syrup would make them go away. "Television was your life, and now you don't even watch it?"

"It wasn't my life," I argue. He looks at me pointedly. "Okay, it was a pretty big part of it considering my job, but once I went back, I didn't need it anymore." I did not want to be reminded of you on every channel.

"How long are you going to be in Hollywood for?" he wonders. I shrug again. Hopefully forever, but knowing me, I might not make it through the week.

"I've moved out here, so who knows?" I laugh.

"Really?" he clarifies eagerly.

"Yep, I start working at So Random! next Monday," I smile. Flattery, eagerness, what is he playing at? Does he really still love me like Tawni said? She could have been mistaken. I will not get my hopes up about that. We are just friends, right?

"That's great!" he cheers. I can feel my smile widen. I can feel. What a great thought. I can feel. About time I can feel again.

"I'm excited. But please, don't tell anyone. I want it to be a total secret. A surprise. To everyone," I plead. He nods, zipping and locking his lips. He tosses the key over his shoulder. I giggle uncontrollably. Why do his little ploys always make me laugh or smile like an idiot?

"Your secret is safe with me, Munroe," he promises. For some reason, I trust him. Force of habit?

"Good," I beam.

"Good," he smirks.

"Fine."

"Fine," he laughs, getting up. "See ya Sonny. Tawni," he nods. She smiles sardonically at him. "Peace out suckas!"

"Bye, Chad," I grin. He bows slightly before he leaves, always the gentleman. I wait until I am certain he has left the building before laying into Tawni about 'forgetting' to tell me about Chad's new job. "Tawni, why didn't you tell me Chad was working at So Random!?"

"It slipped my mind?" she offers. I glare at her.

"Okay, okay. I figured you wouldn't want to come back if you knew," she sighs. That makes sense. I might not have. Oh well, it is too late now. "But I saw the way you looked at him. The spark was back in your eye. Don't deny that you aren't feeling better." I smirk slightly. I hope he did not notice that I still love him. At the same time, though, I hope he did. It is extremely obvious, right? I mean, you would have to be a complete moron to not realize it.

"I am, I am," I sigh. "And I hate that I am."

"Look, you've got the entire week to get used to life in the city again. Then, come Monday, back to your old job. There will be a few new people, but they'll love you, I know they will. Everybody loves Sonny Munroe," she perks up. I smirk again. "I'm glad you're back, Sonny."

"I'm glad to be back," I smile broadly. It was true. For the first time in what seems like forever, I felt like I belonged. I felt like I mattered. I felt like I was happy.


	6. Home Sweet Home

**Alright, here you go. Enjoy :)**

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That week alone flew by. Tawni was gone everyday for work, and I was left home without anything that needed to be done, so I settled in. Monday and Tuesday I unpacked and organized myself. Wednesday I cleaned the large apartment, making it livable and also organized. Tawni came home after what was supposedly a rough day of work to a nice surprise. Thursday I spent the entire day catching up on pop culture. The TV was on all day, all of Tawni's magazines were pulled out, and I was checking twitter feeds routinely. I had missed a ton. It was like for an entire year and a half, I did not exist to the world and vice versa. Friday, I showed myself around the town, attempting to familiarize myself with it again. No one knew I was back, no one was expecting me to be back, and no one wanted me back.

Just kidding. Tawni assures me that everyone will be glad to see me, but I cannot be sure. Oh well, too late now. Saturday afternoon, Tawni and I are watching the Mackenzie Falls movie and eating ice cream while she fills me in on what is going on at So Random!

"He asked about you every day," she whines. "As if working with him isn't bad enough, I had to answer all of his questions, too. I had to converse with him," she says disgustedly.

"It couldn't have been that bad," I insist. I would have loved to have been in her position all week, talking to him and even just seeing him. Chad is my addiction. As corny as it may sound, I really cannot get enough of him. Once I start, I cannot stop. I need more.

"It was that bad," she assures me. "How's Sonny? Where's Sonny? When's Sonny coming again? Would Sonny like this? Would Sonny like that? Blah blah blah…" she mocks his excited tone. An unwanted smile spreads across my face and I can feel the heat in my face. He cares about me.

"You're exaggerating," I accuse. I hope that is not the case. I hope he really does care about me that much. I hope he still loves me as much as I love him. I love him. Why do I love him? I guess I just cannot help it. I fell for him two years ago, and even though he broke my heart, I am just as certain now as I was then that he is the one. It was a misunderstanding, right? We can talk it over, right? Every good relationship has a rough patch, right?

"Not even a little. It's sickening," she maintains. I purse my lips. Tawni is one to exaggerate the truth, albeit unwittingly, but she seems fairly passionate about this. I am sure that she is aware of how I am feeling about all of this; she is my best friend after all. She would be more cautious of what she is telling me in that case, right? No wonder I was so quick to leave, there is so much uncertainty here.

"Okay, whatever you say," I sing-song. She rolls her eyes.

"You don't have to believe me. I know that I'm telling the truth," she replies smugly. I giggle slightly.

"Really?" I ask. She nods adamantly. I smile again. She would have given up by now if she were even slightly exaggerating. He really, truly does care about me that much. What is the nature of it, though? Is it friendship, or is it still love?

"But, anyway, Marshall said we should do the bee sketch next week to open the show, paying homage to your first show," Tawni informs me. Oh yeah, I am going to have to work. At least I will be doing something that I love.

"That sounds good to me. Less sketches to come up with," I smirk. She nods again. We sit in silence for a moment, focusing on the climax of the movie. Penelope was just revealed to be the one sabotaging Mackenzie and Chloe's relationship. Go figure. They have overdone that plot several times.

"When Grady asked me how you were today, I actually had an answer for him," she grins with pride.

"Oh really?" I chuckle.

"Yeah. At lunch, we were all sitting there reminiscing about how glorious I was- and still am- when all of a sudden, completely randomly, Grady asks, 'How is Sonny anyway?' and I said, 'She's doing well,'… you are doing well, right?" she clarifies.

"Right," I answer truthfully. I am doing well; actually, I am doing pretty great. I have always loved the city. I loved everything about my old life, and now I have it back. Almost, anyway. I do not have him, not the way I want. That hurts. I never should have lost him. I screwed everything up between us, and I would give anything to go back and fix it. Other than that, everything is great.

"That's so great to hear," she squeals. "Anyway, then Nico asks, 'You talked to her? No way! I want to talk to Sonny!' and then they all started talking about how much they miss you. And the new guys started talking about how much they wanted to meet you and how funny you were and blah blah blah…"

"So they all really do miss me?" I ask hopefully. It sounded like they did. Tawni would not fabricate this just to make me feel better. She hates the possibility of anyone being better than her, so she avoids talking about it at all costs, hence the complacent attitude.

"That's right," she clarifies proudly. "I can't believe you ever doubted me," she pouts.

"I'm sorry," I chuckle. "Can you blame me?" I was pretty rotten towards the end, so I could not fault them if they did not want to see me, but this past week and a half has been more effective than rehab ever could have been. I turned myself around. I am on my way to complete recovery. I could not feel better than I do right now.

"Nah, I guess not," she smiles. "People are moving the exercise equipment out of our dressing room as we speak," she tells me.

"Really? That's awesome," I laugh. "You didn't have to do that. I'm a make do kind of girl," I remind her.

"I wanted to. And Marshall made me. He's so excited to see you again."

"I am, too." I am excited to see everyone again. Only a day and a half until I get to go back.

We sit in silence for a moment until there is a knock on the door. Tawni gets up to answer it as I hit pause for the movie. She peers out the peep hole to see who it is.

"It's Chad," she whispers.

"No!" I rasp, unbelieving. What is he doing here? He would not be here to see Tawni, they hate each other.

"Yes!" she assures me. No, no, no, he is not here to see me. He has to be, though. Either way, he is going to see me.

"How do I look?" I ask her, smoothing out my hair and clothes.

"You look great," she says. I stop, watching her nervously. She breathes in deeply and opens the door.

"Pooper," she scowls.

"Random," he retorts, entering the room.

"Why don't you come in?" she offers sarcastically.

"Oh, I already did, thank you," he smiles. She rolls her eyes and goes into the kitchen.

"Hey, Chad," I greet him casually. Uh oh, was that too casually? Should I be more eager? He needs to know that I am interested, right? Ugh, more uncertainty!

"Hi, Sonny," he beams. He sits down next to me on the couch, waking up the stupid butterflies in my stupid stomach. Those jerks.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, trying to convey interest in my tone. I do not want to sound like I do not want him here, because I really do. At the same time, I do not want to sound too eager or I will scare him off. Finally, I do not want to sound uninterested. This is way harder than I remember.

"I came to see you," he answers. He did come to see me, just to see me. "How you are doing," he catches himself. I smile. He is having just as hard a time as I am.

"I'm doing well, moved in, ready to start at work on Monday," I tell him animatedly.

"That's great, Sonshine," he grins. There is that nickname again. The butterflies start flapping their wings even harder. I hate those guys. We sit in silence for a moment, but it is not awkward. It is just quiet, neither one of us knowing what to say, until he does, "Now that I'm on So Random!, it's finally number one. You're welcome." I roll my eyes.

"Sure, Chad, that's why," I chuckle. He never was the modest one, just the insecure one.

"You doubt me?" he scoffs. "There is one thing that could make it better, though," he begins.

"What's that?"

"You. Oh wait, we've got that. Boom, we're golden," he smiles that special crooked smile reserved for me and me alone. Go away, butterflies! Stop it!

"You think you're so clever, don't you?" I counter.

"I know I am," he smirks. It is true. He is good, and he knows it. He doubts it, sometimes, but he knows it.

"Good," I giggle.

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine," he grins. I roll my eyes.

"So what are you watching?" he asks, his eyes turning towards the screen. I can feel myself blush. "Trying to find inspiration in the Mack Falls movie?"

"Nah, that would be too easy," I quip.

"Oh really, Munroe? That's how you want to play?"

"Not really a fair game, is it, Cooper?" I retort. He makes it too easy sometimes.

"That's Dylan Cooper, to you. As in Chad Dylan Cooper, greatest actor of our generation," he reminds me.

"How could I forget?" I sarcastically fawn over him.

"I have no idea, because I certainly didn't forget you, Miss Munroe," he laughs. He remembered me? No, he certainly remembered me? He is so sweet. Another knock on the door prompts Tawni to rush in from the kitchen. She peers through the peep hole again.

"It's the Randoms!" she rasps.

I jump up from the couch and hide in the hall closet, not knowing what else to do. Chad snickers at me as Tawni opens the door.

"Hey, guys," she smiles. Nico, Grady, and Zora file in hurriedly. Immediately, they notice Chad and stare him down disapprovingly.

"What's Pooper doing here?" Nico spits at Tawni.

"We were just going over some sketch ideas for this coming week," she answers coolly as she closes the door behind them. Leave it to Tawni to come up with a lie so quickly. They seem to accept that as true, though somewhat hesitantly. "The pizza's in the oven. I think it's ready," she informs them on her way to the kitchen. Zora yawns and stretches.

"I'm exhausted," she tells everyone. "I think I'm going to take a nap in here," she opens the door to the hall closet, revealing me. Great. Just great. Grady, Nico, and Zora stare at me, their mouths agape. Chad is trying so hard to stifle a laugh. Tawni bustles in from the kitchen in an attempt to stop her, but she is too late. I laugh nervously and wave slightly.

"Sonny!?"

* * *

**So, little warning, I will probably be updating less often because school is starting back up and I have a show in less than three weeks. Updates will still be coming though, so don't worry. Anyways, please review! :)**


	7. Homeward Bound

"Hi, guys," I wave sheepishly.

"That explains so, so much!" Zora exclaims. Grady and Nico glance at her questioningly. "Oh, come one, dimwits! If Tawni had only talked to Sonny, she would have been bragging about it nonstop, going on and on and on about how she was doing. But no, she was trying to keep it under wraps because she didn't want anyone knowing that Sonny was back! Also, where was Tawni all week before last? Wisconsin with Sonny, that's where! But all she told us was she was taking a much needed vacation, and she didn't say one word about it when she got back, unlike the usual Tawni who boasts about how relaxing her week of pampering was. And our last clue was Chad. Chad and Tawni hate each other, and they're the laziest people on the show, why would they be working together on the weekend on sketches?"

"Oh, duh!" Grady groans, smacking his forehead with his hand.

"Why didn't you guys tell us Sonny was back?" Nico inquires.

"She wanted it to be a surprise," Tawni defends.

"Well, I am certainly surprised," Grady says cheerfully yet somehow with an accusatory tone.

"That's good!" I cheer. Everyone laughs, and a relieved sigh escapes from me. It feels good making people laugh again. It feels great laughing with friends. My friends. My true friends.

"We missed you, Sonny," Nico admits.

"I've missed you guys, too," I assure him. I really have missed them. A lot. Too much, maybe.

"That's great and all, but I think we're all forgetting something," Zora interjects. Uh oh. "I'm exhausted. So Sonny, would you mind?" I let out an alleviated chuckle. So far, so good. They have not said anything about my leave, my depressed and angry state leading up to it, and the reason behind it. I guess they probably put two and two together in the past couple of years.

"Sure, Zora," I answer, stepping out of the closet. Immediately, Grady and Nico drown me in a huge hug. Warm, comforting, why did I ever leave?

"Well, that's cute," Chad comments, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Oh yeah, that's why. Tawni rolls her eyes and joins in. We move toward the closet slowly, trying to keep up the hug.

"Oh no, you aren't getting me in on this!" Zora cries as she slams the closet door shut. Chad laughs at us, thoroughly entertained.

"After him!" I order. In sync, the four of us move towards Chad, still huddled together. It does not end well. Chad steps away and sticks his foot out, tripping Grady, who brought Nico down with him, who caused Tawni to dramatically yet gracefully fall down, leaving me and Chad standing opposite each other. "You'll pay for that one, Cooper," I warn. He scoffs.

"Gladly," he smirks. I jump at him, wrestling him to the ground. I pin him down, glaring at him with false anger. He stares up at me intensely, melting my façade.

"Oh, gross!" Grady groans. I laugh lightly and stand up, lending my hand to Chad.

"Don't tell me you two are back together," Nico whines as Chad pulls himself up. I shift uncomfortably. Chad clears his throat awkwardly, looking at me pointedly.

"We're not," I giggle anxiously. "I've been in town for less than a week," I point out.

"Oh, well, let us know when you are," Nico laughs, standing up. He reaches out to Tawni to help her up. She takes it gingerly, rising slowly.

"Thanks, Nico," she beams at him.

"Anytime," he smiles back. I shoot Tawni a questioning glare. She scowls back at me, silently screaming at me to shut up. I wonder what that could be about. Well, it is actually pretty obvious what that is about. Tawni likes Nico. It looks like he likes her too. Never saw that one coming.

Let us know when you are… He said when. He expects it to happen. Does everyone? Does Chad? I definitely hope so, but do I expect it? Not really. Should I? No, that would seem entitled and snobbish, right? Again with the uncertainty! I am going to drive myself insane.

The rest of the afternoon was fairly uneventful. Nico and Tawni flirted, Zora slept the entire time, Grady and Nico were the same old Nico and Grady, and Chad gave me those stupid butterflies. I hate those jerks.

One moment in particular sparked some awkwardness between Chad and I. Or is it Chad and me? Grammar was never really my strong suit. Anyway, I was staring at Grady. I cannot believe how much he has changed. He looks and sounds the same, other than the fact that he has lost a lot of weight. He is actually muscular now. It is unbelievable. Chad caught me, though. The blood rushed to my face, coloring my cheeks with what was probably a deep scarlet. He gave me a dubious look, so I decided to have a little fun with it. I smirked and shrugged. His eyes widened in disbelief.

Jealousy, Chad Dylan Cooper was expressing jealousy. Because of me. Obviously he still has feelings for me. So why won't he just tell me?

* * *

**I feel like that chapter was kind of lame, but I wanted to get that out just to show that the Randoms are going to welcome her back almost as if she never left. The next chapter will be their individual reactions, the chapter after that will be Chad's point of view, and then the following chapter will be Sonny returning to So Random! Hopefully I'll have all that up this weekend, so wish me luck!**


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